Loving Difficult People

Read

Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Think

It’s easy to talk about love when we’re surrounded by people we like. It’s not hard to love the friend who encourages you, the spouse who understands you, or the neighbor who shares your values. But eventually, love runs into someone difficult. Someone who pushes your buttons. Someone who misunderstands you, talks over you, disrespects you, or flat-out disagrees with you. And that’s when love starts to feel less like a virtue and more like a burden.

Jesus didn’t shy away from this tension. In his famous “Sermon on the Mount,” he goes straight to the hardest part of love: your enemies. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” he says. And in case that wasn’t hard enough, he adds that by doing so, you’ll be children of your Father in heaven. In other words, loving difficult people is what makes your faith look like your Father.

We often think of enemies in extreme terms—those who oppose or attack us. But in everyday life, “enemies” can look like that coworker who constantly competes with you, the family member who criticizes everything, or the person who betrayed your trust and never apologized. These relationships can stir up anger, resentment, insecurity, or even grief. And that’s exactly where the love of Christ is meant to show up.

Loving difficult people doesn’t mean pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries or excusing sin. But it does mean refusing to let bitterness define your posture. It means choosing to move toward grace instead of revenge. It means letting the Spirit produce something supernatural in you—something you could never generate on your own.

You don’t have to feel affection for someone in order to love them. In fact, Jesus never commands us to feel love. He calls us to live it. Biblical love is not passive or reactive. It’s proactive. It prays for the one who gossiped. It speaks calmly when sarcasm would be easier. It offers a second chance, not because they’ve earned it, but because Christ gave you one first.

This kind of love is not natural. It is Spirit-grown. That means you’re not expected to grit your teeth and just “be nicer.” You’re invited to surrender the anger, the defensiveness, and the pride that naturally rise up, and ask the Holy Spirit to grow something deeper in its place. It’s worth remembering that someone else has probably found you difficult at some point. We all have moments when we’re not easy to love—when we are impatient, unfair, or blind to our own flaws. But Jesus loved you in that place, and he’s calling you to love others there too.

This doesn’t mean the relationship will be perfect. Some people won’t receive your love. Some situations will still require boundaries. But the point of this kind of love isn’t to fix people. It’s to reflect Jesus. And he loved us while we were still sinners. He moved toward us before we ever moved toward him. You don’t need to muster up some perfect, peaceful feeling today. You just need a willing heart. That’s how love starts. It grows not in the absence of hard people, but in the middle of them.

Apply

Who comes to mind when you hear the phrase “difficult person”? Be honest. Don’t push it away. Instead, write their name down. Then pray for them. Ask God to help you love them—not perfectly, but honestly. And look for one small way to show that love this week.

Pray

Jesus, you loved me at my worst. You loved me when I was hard-hearted, defensive, and distant. Help me love the people in my life who are hard to love. Grow compassion where there’s frustration. Grow grace where there’s offense. And let your Spirit help me love them like you love me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.