The Umbrella

Read

Ephesians 5:21–25 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Think

I walked on stage one Sunday morning carrying a closed umbrella. No rain in the forecast. Just me and this umbrella. I opened it over my head and said, "We will never understand marriage until we stand under the authority of God."

Then I did something that looked ridiculous on purpose. I held the umbrella at arm’s length, as far from my body as I could reach, while standing completely exposed. "How stupid do I look?" I asked the congregation. "I have got an umbrella, but I am getting hammered by hail. Pelted by rain. Drenched in dysfunction. And all I have to do is get under it."

That image has stayed with me for over twenty years because it is one of the most accurate pictures of what happens in relationships when we have authority issues. The umbrella is right there. God’s protection, his wisdom, his design for how relationships are supposed to work. It is available. But we hold it at arm’s length because we want to do things our way.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:21, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That is the foundation. Before he ever talks about husbands and wives, he establishes mutual submission. Both parties yielding. Both parties serving. Both parties operating under a higher authority than their own preferences.

Then he gets specific. "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." And then, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

I know those verses can stir up a lot of emotion. But notice what Paul is actually saying. He is not establishing a hierarchy of value. He is establishing a framework of function. Equal in worth, different in role. The man carries the umbrella of leadership, and his model for how to lead is Jesus himself. How did Jesus lead? Not by dominating. Not by demanding. By dying. Selflessly. Sacrificially. Unconditionally.

I sat down with a couple who had been married about five years. Real turbulence. And within about ten minutes it became clear that the core issue was authority. Neither of them was willing to get under the umbrella. They both wanted to hold it. And when two people are fighting over who gets to hold the umbrella, nobody is covered.

Think about this. If I drop the umbrella and start thinking about what makes Ed look good, what puts wind in Ed’s sail, what gives Ed what Ed wants, I am in trouble. I am going to walk right to the edge of compromise. And the scary thing about standing on the edge is that one unexpected gust can push you over.

Authority issues may be the number one hidden cause of relational breakdown. I say "hidden" because most people do not identify it that way. They say, "We just cannot communicate." Or, "We have different priorities." Or, "We grew up differently." But underneath almost all of those surface complaints is a deeper question: Who is in charge? And if the answer is not God, the relationship is exposed to every storm that comes.

Ladies, you are looking for what I call an umbrella fella. A man who is under the authority of God himself before he tries to lead you. And you had better watch him for at least a year to see if he is the real deal. Let him go through some seasons. See if the umbrella stays up when the storms come. Because anyone can hold an umbrella on a sunny day.

And guys, God has given us the leadership responsibility. That does not mean we dominate or dictate. It means we serve first. We sacrifice first. We take initiative in humility. And if we do that well, submission is not a burden. It is a natural response to being loved the way Christ loves the church.

I once heard someone say that the best marriages are the ones where both people are racing to out-serve each other. That is what it looks like when the umbrella is in the right position. Nobody is getting soaked. Nobody is fighting for control. Both people are covered because both people are submitted to the same God. And when a storm rolls in – and storms always roll in – they weather it together because they are standing in the same place. Under the same authority. Under the same protection.

I think back to that Sunday morning, holding the umbrella as far from my body as I could. The image was meant to look foolish because it is foolish. We have everything we need for protection, purpose, and peace in our relationships. God has handed it to us. All we have to do is get under it. But so many of us stand there in the storm, holding God’s authority at arm’s length, getting soaked, and wondering why our relationships are falling apart. The umbrella is not the problem. Our distance from it is.

Apply

Get under it – Identify one area of your life where you are holding God’s authority at arm’s length instead of standing under it. It might be your dating life, your finances, your pride. Name it today and take one step toward surrender.

Pray

Father, forgive me for the times I have wanted to hold the umbrella instead of standing under yours. I confess that authority is hard for me. I want control. I want to be in charge. But your design is better than my instinct. Teach me what it means to submit to you so that I can lead and love the way you intended. In Jesus’ name. Amen.