Drop the Bench

Read

Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Think

Years ago I told a story during a message about collateral damage that I still think about. A guy pulled into a gas station, and before he went inside, he tied his Doberman to a park bench. One of those concrete benches bolted into the ground. Solid. Immovable. Or so he thought. While the guy was inside paying for gas, something startled the dog. A loud noise, another animal, who knows. But the Doberman panicked. And when a Doberman panics, it does not sit quietly and wait for instructions. It runs.

The dog took off at full speed. And when it hit the end of the leash, the bench came with it. The bolts ripped out of the concrete. The bench dragged across the parking lot, sparks flying off the pavement, bouncing and spinning behind this terrified dog. The Doberman ran straight into traffic. The bench smashed into the side of an SUV. Then it caught a Volkswagen. Glass shattered. Metal crumpled. People were screaming. The dog kept running. And the bench kept destroying everything in its path.

The guy came out of the gas station to a scene that looked like a disaster movie. All because a dog that weighed maybe eighty pounds was leashed to something too heavy to carry but too attached to leave behind.

That is what unforgiveness does. You leash yourself to a hurt, a grudge, an offense, and then when life startles you, when stress hits or pressure mounts, you take off running. But the bench comes with you. And it does not just damage you. It damages everything and everyone in its path. Your friendships. Your work. Your peace. Your ability to trust. The bench does not care what it hits. It just drags and destroys.

Paul writes to the Ephesians, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." Notice the word "all." Not some. Not the big ones. All of it. Every bit of bitterness. Every trace of rage. Every form of malice. Paul is telling you to untie the leash. Drop the bench. Stop dragging it with you into every new room you enter.

Here is what I have noticed about people who carry unforgiveness. They think they are punishing the person who hurt them. They think holding onto the grudge is a form of justice. "If I forgive them, they get away with it." But the person who hurt you is not the one dragging a bench through traffic. You are. The person who wronged you may not even know the bench exists. They are inside the gas station living their life while you are out in the parking lot tearing up everything around you.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick. It does not work. It never works. The poison stays in your system. It corrodes your joy. It erodes your relationships. It eats away at your ability to receive love and give it freely. You hold the grudge and the grudge holds you, and neither one of you is going anywhere good.

But Paul does not just say get rid of the bad stuff. He replaces it. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." That last phrase is the key. "Just as in Christ God forgave you." How did God forgive you? Completely. Permanently. At great cost to himself. He did not forgive you halfway. He did not forgive you with conditions. He did not say, "I will forgive you, but I am going to hold this over your head for the next twenty years." He forgave you fully, and the price of that forgiveness was the cross.

I am not saying forgiveness is easy. I am saying it is necessary. And I am saying the alternative is worse. The alternative is dragging a concrete bench through every relationship, every opportunity, and every season of your life until the collateral damage is so widespread you cannot remember what you were running from in the first place.

Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay. It does not mean you pretend it did not hurt. It does not mean you put yourself back in a position to be hurt again. It means you untie the leash. You let go of the bench. You stop letting someone else’s actions dictate your direction and your peace. You hand the offense to God and trust him with the justice you were never equipped to deliver.

That Doberman did not mean to destroy anything. It was just scared and running. But because it was leashed to something heavy and sharp and immovable, everything around it paid the price. You are not that dog. You have a choice. You can keep dragging the bench, or you can drop it right here, right now, and walk away lighter than you have been in years. Paul says drop it. God says drop it. The people around you who keep getting hit by the sparks are begging you to drop it. So drop the bench.

Apply

Untie the leash – Name one person or one offense you have been leashed to. Write it down. Then pray specifically over that person and that situation, asking God to take the burden of justice off your shoulders. Forgiveness is not a feeling you wait for. It is a decision you make. Make it today.

Pray

God, I have been dragging a bench. I have been leashed to hurts and offenses that are destroying things you never intended to be destroyed. Forgive me for holding onto what you told me to release. I do not want the collateral damage anymore. I do not want to keep running through life with something heavy and sharp behind me, tearing up the people and the opportunities you put in my path. Today I choose to drop it. I hand the offense to you. I trust you with the justice. Help me to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving, just as you have been to me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.