Call for Help

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Proverbs 15:22 "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

Think

I am going to tell you one of the biggest mistakes Lisa and I made, and I am not ashamed to say it because I think it might save some of you a lot of unnecessary pain. We waited about fifteen years into our marriage before we sought biblical counseling. Fifteen years.

Let that sink in. We lead a church. We teach about relationships. We have written books about marriage. And we waited a decade and a half before we walked into a counselor’s office and put our baggage on the table. That was a mistake, and I wish we could get those years back.

I am not talking about someone who just hangs a certificate on the wall and nods at you for an hour. I am talking about real, Bible-driven counsel. Someone who has Scripture as the priority and purpose of their practice. Someone who understands that the deepest part of your life and mine is our connectivity with God, and that any advice that does not account for that reality is building on sand.

Proverbs 15:22 should be on your refrigerator: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” That verse is not complicated. It is not ambiguous. Plans fail when you try to go it alone. Plans succeed when you invite wise people into the process. That is it. Solomon is laying out a principle as clear as gravity: isolation leads to failure, and counsel leads to success.

So why do we resist it? I will tell you why. Pride. We think asking for help means admitting weakness, and admitting weakness feels like losing. Especially for men, if I am being honest. We will talk to anybody and pay anything to develop a sweet golf swing. We will shell out for the best personal trainer, the best financial adviser, the best mechanic for our car. But the most important relationships in our lives, the ones that shape our families and our futures? We are going to figure those out on our own? That does not even make sense.

I think about what would have been different if Lisa and I had not waited fifteen years. How many arguments could we have navigated differently? How many patterns could we have identified earlier? How many wounds could have been addressed before they calcified into scars? We did a lot of good things in those years, but we also carried some things we did not need to carry because we were too stubborn to ask for directions.

And this is not just about marriage. This applies to every area of life. If your finances are a mess, get a financial counselor who grounds their advice in biblical stewardship. If your career is stalled, find a mentor who has been where you want to go. If your parenting feels like guesswork, find couples who are further down the road and ask them what they have learned. Stop trying to figure everything out by yourself. That is not strength. That is stubbornness disguised as self-reliance.

Here is what I have noticed. The people who resist counsel the most are usually the people who need it the most. And the people who seek it out regularly are usually the people who are already doing well. That is not a coincidence. That is the principle of Proverbs 15:22 playing out in real time. The wise do not wait until the car is on fire to call for roadside assistance. They schedule regular maintenance. They keep wise voices in their lives before the crisis hits so that when it does hit, they are not scrambling to find help.

And let me say this. Good counsel is not just someone who agrees with you. Good counsel is someone who loves you enough to disagree with you. A real adviser will say the thing you do not want to hear because they care more about your future than your feelings in the moment. If every person in your circle just tells you what you want to hear, you do not have advisers. You have an audience. And audiences clap while you walk off a cliff. Advisers grab your arm and pull you back. There is a world of difference, and you need to know which one you have.

Lisa and I eventually got the help we needed. And I will tell you, it transformed our relationship. It gave us tools we did not have, perspectives we could not see, and language for conversations we did not know how to start. But I still think about those fifteen years. I still wish we had picked up the phone sooner.

Do not make our mistake. Whatever you are carrying, whatever you are trying to figure out alone, put your pride on the shelf and call for help. “Plans fail for lack of counsel. But with many advisers, they succeed.” The help is out there. You just have to be willing to ask for it.

Apply

Make the call – Identify one area of your life where you have been trying to figure things out on your own. This week, take one step toward getting biblical counsel. That might mean scheduling a meeting with a pastor, calling a counselor, or sitting down with a mentor you trust. Stop waiting. Make the call.

Pray

God, I’ll be honest. Asking for help does not come naturally to me. I would rather figure it out on my own, and that pride has cost me more than I want to admit. Forgive me for the seasons I tried to navigate without counsel when you had wise voices ready and waiting. Break down my stubbornness and replace it with humility. Lead me to the right people, the right advisers, the right counsel. I do not want to waste another season trying to do this alone. In Jesus’ name. Amen.